What's your definition of a friend? I have my own perspective of what a friend is to me, which has changed from when I was in highschool or even college I guess. Now, for me the issue isn't necessarily getting to know someone and possibly even exchanging numbers and maybe send a text here or there, that's cool, but that's not necessarily a cultivated "friendship". The reason why I think it's hard, is because people aren't willing to make the sacrifices or I should say take the time to cultivate friendships these days, and then add to that equation motherhood, wife, business woman, and entrepreneur 🤦🏽♀️ It's tough out here. I am sure people may assume I'm too busy, or I can't get out the house, or that I have so many friends than I can keep up with...ALL WRONG!
There are certain things that I look for in a friend now that I never really cared much for before, for example a person who is genuine, like seriously! I need that like I need my favorite snack! Sheesh lol that is so hard to find these days or maybe I'm in the wrong places? Lol I jokingly told my husband that I was going to post a "friend application" and see what happens lol...FYI, I wouldn't do that but still... 😂
Having community makes life more enjoyable, we aren't meant to walk through life alone or with just our significant other, and that is something I learned quickly when I became a wife and then business owner and mother. I'm being super vulnerable by saying that I wished that I could say that I am apart of the sisterhood narrative...but honestly I'm not. I mean no disrespect to the individuals in my life that I speak to occasionally or when things happen in their lives and they trust my input, but at this age and season of my life I desire friendships where we can learn from each other, pray for each other, be open/vulnerable, have fun, be connected spiritually and intellectuaLLY! Nothing wrong going out and having a good time, but I need balance, can we have heartfelt convos about life though?! Do our energies vibe?! There's nothing wrong with commenting under my posts on social media or liking my pics. But that doesn't equal a friendship in real life...do we talk apart from social media?
Now Don't get me wrong, I also play a part in this too! I haven't always reached out consistently to those that consider us friends, and yes there are times I have been busy and sadly I tend to guard myself from people who "always have a need" they need filled, whether it's by me or someone else. I also don't like to feel like I'm bothering you, by taking initiatives to set up a day/time to hang or to chat; IF my initiatives pretty much result in nothing, then I typically just give that person space. But let me reiterate, I don't desire to have superficial friendships or ones with no depth or substance, I don't mind meeting new people and hanging out here and there, but as far as a friendship that looks different to me 🤷🏽♀️
Now I thought that being friends with someone who is in a similar or the same stage(s) of life as me would be seemingly easier, but not necessarily in my opinion, I don't think it matters a wholllllleee lot just depends on the type of person I'd befriend right?! And their intentions are good...confused? Let me explain, I once befriended a woman , although about 10 years older than me, we hit it off, we were not in the same stages of life, except that we were both business owners, but as time went on I'd notice the comments she would make about my Life, or how she perceived it rather, as if I should feel bad or feel bad for her ....it came off sometimes as envy, now whether or not that was the case I am not exactly sure, but long story short I had to distance myself from that "friendship," now before you think "oh you didn't address it with her?!" I actually tried and that's what made me decide that there was nothing I could do to change her situation or perspective, it was CLEAR.
Now it took me a looooonnnngggg time to finally decide to write this blog, I didnt want to, but felt like I needed to, I don't want to send the message that I'm a loner and I have zero companionships, but there is a difference for me between a friendship or friendships and people that I just occasionally speak to/hangout with/speak with..etc. I feel like that's a step above associate but not necessarily a friendship lol, you feel me?!