I Need a Me in my Life - says Me.

Have you ever said to yourself or maybe someone else,

I need a Me in my life?

I have said this to myself a few times before, but thought I’d share with the social media world why I felt or feel this way, and you may find this relatable yourself!

I mean honestly, it’s nothing too deep as to why I feel this way, I mean I think i’m pretty DOPE as a person and if I call you friend, I think I’m a DOPE friend too, yeah I said it! Sometimes you have to give your own self “roses” so to speak, not to brag, be self centered, or conceited, but because I realize how far I’ve come in my journey in life and how much i’ve changed and I don’t have to wait to be affirmed by someone else, I affirm my damn self.

There are many reasons why I would love a “friend or person like me in my life” but I’m only going to focus on a few of those reasons for the sake of not making this a long blog..haha just playing. On a serious note, I admire some of my qualities and characteristics that I’ve wished I could see in others, if i’m being honest. I think it’s okay to have some time for self reflection and appreciate things about yourself versus focusing so much attention on what you need to improve or change. In the past several years i’ve come to appreciate my authenticity and being a genuine soul (good, bad, indifferent) and because of my own personal experiences, growth, and perspective, I found it hard to cultivate relationships that were anything other than…but realized that it was also unfair to others; and actually irrational if you think about it. I also appreciate how I am able to encourage others when they need it and even myself when I need to, listen…I wouldn’t have started half the projects I’ve done if I didn’t encourage myself! I also appreciate my “active listening” skills lol, it’s definitely the therapist in me, and it causes me to tap into my intuitiveness, which I feel is truly a blessing to be able to speak into the life of another person and feel connected enough to do so. Ok, I know I said a few things, but one more quality I appreciate about myself is my ability to show and exercise Empathy, this right here is a blessing and curse lol I am able to understand a person’s story, their experiences and even their behaviors…but also feel EVERYTHING sometimes *face palm* hence why self care is sooo important for me; i’m not new to this, i’m true to this——>”SELF CARE ISN’T SELFISH”

All of those qualities I mentioned above, to me are, are ideally what I would love to see in any relationship I cultivate and aspire to build, in a perfect world I would want a friend like ME ;-) but until then i’ll TRY to continue to show up as the best version of myself for myself and others.


Ageism .....ughh

Believe it or not, I experience Ageism; notice the verbiage, is present tense smh because it happens and has happened a good amount of times, meh. Look, I can't help the fact that I look relatively young or have a "young" face, it's a blessing from God :-) thank you genes lol 

As a mental health counselor in the field, I can remember a time when I was working at a private mental health agency, I was meeting with a new client and received and reviewed the paperwork prior to finally meeting the client, who was a minor, so I would have to meet with the client's parent first and foremost prior to counseling the client. I remember after finishing up the initial assessment and setting up the next appointment, I received word from the receptionist at the time that the client's mother requested that he see a much older therapist, her exact words were, "she may be too young and attractive to counsel my son." At first I was upset about it, but then I was like, "well it's her decision to do so and she has that right." Imagine how that made me feel in that moment though?! At the time I didn't view it as Ageism either, oddly enough. 

I know that my physical appearance; how I look plays a part in my profession and have at times worn articles of clothing just to appease the "masses" and have worn makeup even on days I don't feel like it in order to "look" more mature smh, that was soon short-lived though, because I decided that the right clients will place value in their treatment versus how the therapist looks... I'm saying  that loosely because as long as I'm not dressed or look inappropriate then All should be well, right?! ...Wrong! 

I recently had a new client, who was an older male, refer to me as "young lady", he is actually in his mid 40s, but didn't call me by my name like my other clients do. Here is the thing, there is a certain level of respect that goes both ways in the counselor-client relationship and then there are subtle ways a client  can and will let you know that he/she doesn't respect you yet or he/she doesnt at all...Being that he was a new client, I went ahead and reiterated and gracefully let the client know to refer to me as Kemi in going further just to set the expectation for him clearly...Just so you know it was received well. 

I no longer work for an agency doing contract work, I work for myself; I have my own private practice providing mental health counseling...And guess what, I wear what I want! that's appropriate of course. I let my clients know ahead of time if it's their first encounter with me that therapy is not like what you see on TV necessarily and I don't wear business attire, because at the end of the day I don't want to appear unapproachable or "untouchable" and sitting behind a desk with a suit on doesn't quite do it for me; my clients appreciate that about me ! 

I'd rather be judged for the type of care or treatment you receive from me versus how young I look; because age as we know it isn't the biggest determining factor of the type of knowledge you will receive either. #fact