I Need a Me in my Life - says Me.

Have you ever said to yourself or maybe someone else,

I need a Me in my life?

I have said this to myself a few times before, but thought I’d share with the social media world why I felt or feel this way, and you may find this relatable yourself!

I mean honestly, it’s nothing too deep as to why I feel this way, I mean I think i’m pretty DOPE as a person and if I call you friend, I think I’m a DOPE friend too, yeah I said it! Sometimes you have to give your own self “roses” so to speak, not to brag, be self centered, or conceited, but because I realize how far I’ve come in my journey in life and how much i’ve changed and I don’t have to wait to be affirmed by someone else, I affirm my damn self.

There are many reasons why I would love a “friend or person like me in my life” but I’m only going to focus on a few of those reasons for the sake of not making this a long blog..haha just playing. On a serious note, I admire some of my qualities and characteristics that I’ve wished I could see in others, if i’m being honest. I think it’s okay to have some time for self reflection and appreciate things about yourself versus focusing so much attention on what you need to improve or change. In the past several years i’ve come to appreciate my authenticity and being a genuine soul (good, bad, indifferent) and because of my own personal experiences, growth, and perspective, I found it hard to cultivate relationships that were anything other than…but realized that it was also unfair to others; and actually irrational if you think about it. I also appreciate how I am able to encourage others when they need it and even myself when I need to, listen…I wouldn’t have started half the projects I’ve done if I didn’t encourage myself! I also appreciate my “active listening” skills lol, it’s definitely the therapist in me, and it causes me to tap into my intuitiveness, which I feel is truly a blessing to be able to speak into the life of another person and feel connected enough to do so. Ok, I know I said a few things, but one more quality I appreciate about myself is my ability to show and exercise Empathy, this right here is a blessing and curse lol I am able to understand a person’s story, their experiences and even their behaviors…but also feel EVERYTHING sometimes *face palm* hence why self care is sooo important for me; i’m not new to this, i’m true to this——>”SELF CARE ISN’T SELFISH”

All of those qualities I mentioned above, to me are, are ideally what I would love to see in any relationship I cultivate and aspire to build, in a perfect world I would want a friend like ME ;-) but until then i’ll TRY to continue to show up as the best version of myself for myself and others.

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SELFcare+GOD

First, let me say that Selfcare is not devoid from God, and encompasses mind, body and spirit and for those that believe that it has to be or that it is, this blog is for you as well. I love GOD and I love SELFcare, periodt'! I am grateful I don't have to choose between the two and still keep both. 

I want to focus on two scriptures from the bible that leads me to believe that GOD is okay with us taking care of ourselves :-)

1. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. (Hebrews 4:9-11)

~REST! REST! REST! After all, your body will let you know, when you've been deprived of rest anyway, but c'mon Jesus understood the importance of rest and replenishing ourselves. 

2. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– for we are members of his body. (Ephesians 5:29-30)

~We as people, may do the bare minimum to care for ourselves, but it is through intentionality that we do it; feeding ourselves and clothing ourselves. Jesus Christ never hated his Church; he cherishes and nourishes "her."

Rest is so important, and just one of the many things we can and need to do, no matter what line of work you are in or what you do; we shouldn't over exert ourselves, because we will be no good not just to ourselves but to others! This body we have is our "temple" and we need to take care of it. I'm sure you've read or seen numerous times ways you can practice self care on your own terms, but like i've mentioned before via my IG handle, what you do for self care is personal, and what may work for someone may not work for you in the "space" that you're in. So, I hope you consider this GOOD news, knowing that GOD also valued and understood just how important it is to consider yourself a priority as well; it isn't selfish.

OAN: Also, self care doesn't have to cost you money; these can be behavioral changes, mental fitness; unlearning old, unhealthy habits, reframe negative self talk, and/or positive affirmations, etc. While there's nothing wrong with setting aside funds to incorporate certain activities into your week if needed; if it replenishes your soul and makes you feel whole and happier. Remember going broke in the name of self care is counter productive; I'm not just talking about financially, but emotionally and mentally as well (yeah I said it.)

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SelfCare...my take.

Ok let's talk about SELFcare shall we? Now it may seem like a trend or something that's cool to embrace, but personally this is a part of my lifestyle. I am a big advocate and supporter of SELFcare, being a Mental Health Counselor, I take this very seriously and it's important to me. So important, in fact, that I have designed T-shirts aimed at SELFcare and have dedicated proceeds to assist an individual with their Mental Health treatment if finances seems to be an issue ;-). 

I want to start off by letting you know that SELFcare is totally individual, it's not a "one size fits all" type of practice. SELFcare can mean different things to different people, but at the heart of it all, it is NOT selfish and it's intentional. So where do you start?

A lot of us already practice SELFcare, we just may call it something else; it's physical though. Identify what activities you like to do that make you feel good or happy; again it's individual and personal. SELFcare is and can be quite intentional; spend more time if necessary to carve out time to take care of yourself; be kind to yourself. Listen to your body, because it will let you know certain clues like when you're stressed, hurt, tired, fatigued, excitable, etc. I choose to exercise, eat more healthy when I feel that urge to do so; my body usually lets me know lol, refrain from negativity and/or distance myself from it be it temporary or long term, pamper myself (doing my nails, getting them done, or getting a massage.) 

One of the key things that I had to re-learn and then be ok with is saying "No" and also knowing when to say "No" as well. At times I've felt obligated to say yes to people or felt like "No" wasn't an appropriate option, but that's so not true, and it's nothing against others or being mean, which tends to be the mindset of some, but it has everything to do with me being self aware and not taking on too much or being a "yes (wo)man." Believe it or not, there is so much freedom in taking better care of yourself and again.... SELFcare isn't selfish, as a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite! It's an unselfish act of being the best YOU that YOU can be for yourself and others as a result.

Kemi Definition:

SELFcare~ Giving yourself permission to unapologetically take care of yourself; mind, body, and spirit via activities and/or coping skills. 

Pretty straight forward!

Be Blessed Friends.

SELFcare Tee

SELFcare Tee

Fake Love?

I've heard all types of sayings and read memes about "Fake Love" and those who show fake love, blah, blah, blah...but it's nothing new right?! Honestly, back in the day, we called it being "fake" or "not real".  I have a name I like to use..."plastic" or I'll just say "not genuine." I know it seems like I have been on this topic somewhat before, but goes to show where my frustration lies, I have a thing for genuine and authentic people though. You can be f*ed up or just having a bad day, or even having an awesome day but I love the authentic energy I get from a person and I can work with that. 

One thing I have realized within the past couple of years, because I decided to pay more attention to it; which I consider a good and bad thing smh, is that there are individuals that dislike you or have an issue with you because of the way that others love you! Now read it again if ya need to......ok, back? Yes, as weird as that sounds, it's very true. You have to remember and really know that has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with that individual. Look at it like this, a person who is unhappy with themselves and their own life, cannot be happy for another person genuinely...it's a struggle bus forreal. So if those individuals that are unhappy with themselves see characteristics in another person or persons that are received well by others and they in a sense "want what you have"..we tend to call that coveting, but you get the point, then it makes that person feel some type of way. Those individuals are still deserving of Love though and will even do their best to show you Love too; even if they don't necessarily feel it, they tried.

Don't do like I did and put blame on yourself, thinking it was something that you may have done wrong and internally struggle with the thought that you may have caused this person's unhappiness, then get upset when you can't figure it out and then spew their same unhappiness right back (check yourself); after all misery loves company right? because the fact of the matter is YOU didn't, even if blame is placed on you...don't take it, you can't afford it. One of the many sayings that has always stuck with me is "You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm" #fact. It's not an attack or  a reason to be mean, it's a declaration to yourself and others that its not your job to sacrifice your "being" to make someone else feel better about themselves. If you choose to do so, that is a personal choice. 

(However, if you are the cause or person to blame for someone's unhappiness, then the above wouldn't necessarily apply and a conversation should be had.)

I say all of this to say, keep being bomb af, identify your "people" and keep them around, make new friends, mend relationships if necessary, keep spewing your "good vibes" around, remain positive as much as possible, and if you can't take care of your SELF, don't tell yourself negative things that aren't true, even if others give you a negative script, you don't have to rehearse that to yourself. Spread Love and not Hate.

 

 

 

 

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