I Need a Me in my Life - says Me.

Have you ever said to yourself or maybe someone else,

I need a Me in my life?

I have said this to myself a few times before, but thought I’d share with the social media world why I felt or feel this way, and you may find this relatable yourself!

I mean honestly, it’s nothing too deep as to why I feel this way, I mean I think i’m pretty DOPE as a person and if I call you friend, I think I’m a DOPE friend too, yeah I said it! Sometimes you have to give your own self “roses” so to speak, not to brag, be self centered, or conceited, but because I realize how far I’ve come in my journey in life and how much i’ve changed and I don’t have to wait to be affirmed by someone else, I affirm my damn self.

There are many reasons why I would love a “friend or person like me in my life” but I’m only going to focus on a few of those reasons for the sake of not making this a long blog..haha just playing. On a serious note, I admire some of my qualities and characteristics that I’ve wished I could see in others, if i’m being honest. I think it’s okay to have some time for self reflection and appreciate things about yourself versus focusing so much attention on what you need to improve or change. In the past several years i’ve come to appreciate my authenticity and being a genuine soul (good, bad, indifferent) and because of my own personal experiences, growth, and perspective, I found it hard to cultivate relationships that were anything other than…but realized that it was also unfair to others; and actually irrational if you think about it. I also appreciate how I am able to encourage others when they need it and even myself when I need to, listen…I wouldn’t have started half the projects I’ve done if I didn’t encourage myself! I also appreciate my “active listening” skills lol, it’s definitely the therapist in me, and it causes me to tap into my intuitiveness, which I feel is truly a blessing to be able to speak into the life of another person and feel connected enough to do so. Ok, I know I said a few things, but one more quality I appreciate about myself is my ability to show and exercise Empathy, this right here is a blessing and curse lol I am able to understand a person’s story, their experiences and even their behaviors…but also feel EVERYTHING sometimes *face palm* hence why self care is sooo important for me; i’m not new to this, i’m true to this——>”SELF CARE ISN’T SELFISH”

All of those qualities I mentioned above, to me are, are ideally what I would love to see in any relationship I cultivate and aspire to build, in a perfect world I would want a friend like ME ;-) but until then i’ll TRY to continue to show up as the best version of myself for myself and others.

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SELF-LOVE...okay!

Self Love:

Part 2 of the “Insecure? Let’s talk about it” series.

In my last blog I mentioned SELF-LOVE, but what does that actually consist of? What does it look like? How do I start? are probably questions you may have had or have. There is no one answer that fits all of those questions. The truth is, it will consist of something different and look different to each individual. Also, you start when you are ready to start.

SELF-LOVE is being connected to yourself; it’s unique, it’s intentional, it’s rewarding, it’s refreshing, it’s unapologetic in nature, has no boundaries, and it’s freedom, much like Self Care, right?! I have listed below ways to identify your WHAT, WHY, and HOW to make your SELF-LOVE journey, a fulfilled one.

1. WHAT? Define what loving yourself means first and foremost. Discover and identify what SELF-LOVE looks like for yourself, what do you hope to gain? What are areas in your life, where you need to accept and fall in love with all over again or for the first time! For example, my definition of SELF-LOVE is being okay with every part of what makes me, Me and viewing myself the way God views me. Your definition will be different from mine, but that’s okay!

2. WHY? Your “why” will be your motivation to start and continue on your SELF-LOVE journey so make sure its worth your time, energy, and efforts. Your “why” will not be the same as the next person’s, but again that’s a good thing!

3. HOW? Write a list of all the things you love about yourself right now and then make a list of things that you desire to love about yourself, if you can write a list of things that you love about yourself now, then you have the ability to love other parts of you, no matter what it is, and know it is not just limited to physical attributes. In a previous blog, I mentioned “positive affirmation,” (which is a statement that helps to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts) as a good way to combat low self-esteem, but it can be a powerful and empowering thing when you use it. Positively affirming yourself, can propel you to have a healthy sense of yourself in the long run. When you positively affirm yourself, you must make sure it is positive ONLY, so no room for self hate or to pick at the things you don’t like about yourself. Again, SELF-LOVE is intentional, by saying “I Am…” you can have freedom to choose whatever realistic word would fit. (ex. I Am worthy, I Am capable of getting through today, etc..) Furthermore, you can devote each week to an aspect of your life (refer to your list you developed with what you desire to love about you); like really dedicate the week to an aspect or part of your life which needs more of your good ol’ lovin’ and attention. Don’t be afraid to remove yourself from negative energy; if you are constantly around negative people and negative energy your self love journey won’t be easy; be intentional about surrounding yourself with others that are encouraging and positive, you need a healthy balance! Do the things that make you happy, forgive yourself from past mistakes, acknowledge your small victories, challenge your negative thoughts should they come (where is the evidence that this thought is true and valid?) and show others love and respect (very rewarding), embrace yourself :-) I’d also like to add that journaling your SELF-LOVE journey is a greaaaaat idea, something to look back on some time later too

HMMMM…I wonder what i’m having for lunch??

HMMMM…I wonder what i’m having for lunch??

SELFcare+GOD

First, let me say that Selfcare is not devoid from God, and encompasses mind, body and spirit and for those that believe that it has to be or that it is, this blog is for you as well. I love GOD and I love SELFcare, periodt'! I am grateful I don't have to choose between the two and still keep both. 

I want to focus on two scriptures from the bible that leads me to believe that GOD is okay with us taking care of ourselves :-)

1. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. (Hebrews 4:9-11)

~REST! REST! REST! After all, your body will let you know, when you've been deprived of rest anyway, but c'mon Jesus understood the importance of rest and replenishing ourselves. 

2. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– for we are members of his body. (Ephesians 5:29-30)

~We as people, may do the bare minimum to care for ourselves, but it is through intentionality that we do it; feeding ourselves and clothing ourselves. Jesus Christ never hated his Church; he cherishes and nourishes "her."

Rest is so important, and just one of the many things we can and need to do, no matter what line of work you are in or what you do; we shouldn't over exert ourselves, because we will be no good not just to ourselves but to others! This body we have is our "temple" and we need to take care of it. I'm sure you've read or seen numerous times ways you can practice self care on your own terms, but like i've mentioned before via my IG handle, what you do for self care is personal, and what may work for someone may not work for you in the "space" that you're in. So, I hope you consider this GOOD news, knowing that GOD also valued and understood just how important it is to consider yourself a priority as well; it isn't selfish.

OAN: Also, self care doesn't have to cost you money; these can be behavioral changes, mental fitness; unlearning old, unhealthy habits, reframe negative self talk, and/or positive affirmations, etc. While there's nothing wrong with setting aside funds to incorporate certain activities into your week if needed; if it replenishes your soul and makes you feel whole and happier. Remember going broke in the name of self care is counter productive; I'm not just talking about financially, but emotionally and mentally as well (yeah I said it.)

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Why SELFcare Tees???

First, let me say that if you have purchased a SELFcare Tee already, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I have been asked a handful of times, how did I come up with this T shirt design? What made me want to start selling T shirts? What was the inspiration behind the message?

Hopefully, this blog can answer those questions for you wondering, but also encourage me to further my pursuit of reaching as many people as possible. So like I've stated before, selfcare for me wasn't something that was trendy or the hip, cool thing to do. It was embedded in my current lifestyle for a very good reason. As many of you know, I am a Mental Heath Counselor and I have experienced burn out on a small scale, but it's still all the same and negatively affected me to which I had to change my routine around some to make sure I was still able to stay in this line of work. In a previous blog, I explain what SELFcare is, check it out!

I remember sitting on my couch at my house, pregnant and all thinking of something to post on my business IG page and it just hit me and stuck with me "I'm not selfish, it's called selfcare" I think there has been a misconception that if you make yourself  a priority, that you are being selfish, and I don't subscribe to that, especially not in this season of my life. As a mom, Mental Health Counselor, Wife, Volunteer, Entrepreneur it's important I don't over exert myself in all of those roles that I play. My husband thought it would be a good idea to make that quote a T shirt design and sell it. At first I was a little hesitant, because I didn't know if people would buy into it or even buy the T shirt! Boy was I wrong, lol but trust me that's a GREAAAAT thing! I wanted to give back to the community in some way and not just sell the shirts to make a profit. I decided that I wanted to donate 10% of the proceeds from shirt sales to an individual that may have a hard time paying for therapy, their medication, or some other related mental health treatment. I am pretty big on "donation" as I also run a private practice that offers donation based counseling, so it made sense to me to continue on with that in mind. 

I quickly realized that the message of the T shirts resonates with so many people all over the country and even other countries! I love that it inspires others to be more intentional about caring for themselves; being kind to his/her self. My whole intention was to sell a T shirt that others will actually want to wear; thats meaningful all while giving back. Its funny how the path of your life can change just by making one decision, I do not believe this was by chance, this was all a part of God's Plan :-) In the same way I did not see myself owning my own private practice, I didn't see SelfcareBelle being a brand and selling T shirts that resonates with so many people all over the world. Thank you for your support, it means the world to me.

I'm not done yet, I'm just getting started! New design in the making??!

Be encouraged and Spread Love.

 

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@selfcarebelle

check out this cheesy smile lol

SelfCare...my take.

Ok let's talk about SELFcare shall we? Now it may seem like a trend or something that's cool to embrace, but personally this is a part of my lifestyle. I am a big advocate and supporter of SELFcare, being a Mental Health Counselor, I take this very seriously and it's important to me. So important, in fact, that I have designed T-shirts aimed at SELFcare and have dedicated proceeds to assist an individual with their Mental Health treatment if finances seems to be an issue ;-). 

I want to start off by letting you know that SELFcare is totally individual, it's not a "one size fits all" type of practice. SELFcare can mean different things to different people, but at the heart of it all, it is NOT selfish and it's intentional. So where do you start?

A lot of us already practice SELFcare, we just may call it something else; it's physical though. Identify what activities you like to do that make you feel good or happy; again it's individual and personal. SELFcare is and can be quite intentional; spend more time if necessary to carve out time to take care of yourself; be kind to yourself. Listen to your body, because it will let you know certain clues like when you're stressed, hurt, tired, fatigued, excitable, etc. I choose to exercise, eat more healthy when I feel that urge to do so; my body usually lets me know lol, refrain from negativity and/or distance myself from it be it temporary or long term, pamper myself (doing my nails, getting them done, or getting a massage.) 

One of the key things that I had to re-learn and then be ok with is saying "No" and also knowing when to say "No" as well. At times I've felt obligated to say yes to people or felt like "No" wasn't an appropriate option, but that's so not true, and it's nothing against others or being mean, which tends to be the mindset of some, but it has everything to do with me being self aware and not taking on too much or being a "yes (wo)man." Believe it or not, there is so much freedom in taking better care of yourself and again.... SELFcare isn't selfish, as a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite! It's an unselfish act of being the best YOU that YOU can be for yourself and others as a result.

Kemi Definition:

SELFcare~ Giving yourself permission to unapologetically take care of yourself; mind, body, and spirit via activities and/or coping skills. 

Pretty straight forward!

Be Blessed Friends.

SELFcare Tee

SELFcare Tee